That said, I do have a tendency to be rather, um, chatty. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been at a lack of words, and at least two of them have to do with my daughters' potty training experiences. I also have always loved to write. Because I speak very quickly (much more quickly than I can filter my thoughts), my spoken conversations tend to leave me feeling like I could have done better. When I write, I have enough time to actually think through what I'm saying (not that it means that I'm a fab writer by any means; I just enjoy it ;o) ). I also find it incredibly cathartic, and in times when I'm particularly frustrated or hurt or confused or troubled, I turn to writing to work out what's going on. (I also turn to speaking aloud to myself, but that often leads to me feeling more crazy, rather than more clear-headed.)
While I don't believe that my experiences as a mother, wife, woman, friend, daughter, or human being are so unique as to warrant anyone else putting stock in what I say, I have discovered - over time - that having ADHD filters my life experiences in really interesting ways. (Ok, sometimes "interesting" doesn't exactly describe them... but go with me, here.) Every single day, I have at least 5 of what I call "ADHD moments" where my ADHD directly affects a given situation -- both for good and for not-so-good. I've also discovered that these "moments" are somewhat... unique. Although pretty much everyone I've ever talked with can relate to individual ADHD tales, they are completely taken aback by the sheer number of stories I tell. Although I've always approached life just a wee bit differently than most other people, it's only recently that I'm realizing exactly how and why.
For the past few months, I've had an idea percolating in the back of my head to start chronicling what life is like with adult ADHD, especially life as a mother, wife, and woman. There are scads of websites out there dedicated to ADHD, all bursting with checklists and support groups and forums for and against medication. But, despite my avid internet searches, I have yet to discover many resources that really discuss what having ADHD as an adult is actually like.
Let's be clear: having adult ADHD can be awesome.
It is also the single most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with.
And it's not something I'm going to be "cured of" or "get over" any time soon.
With that in mind, I've decided to blog about what it's like to be a woman, wife, and mother with ADHD. Some of it will, hopefully, be funny. Much of it will, I'm sure, be cringe-worthy. And some of it may be tear-inducing. But it will be real, and it will be me, and that's the best that I can do.
I'm not out to win awards or get recognized, and I'm certainly not "looking" for an audience. I'm most definitely not trying to be an "expert" on adult ADHD, nor am I trying - in any way - to provide anyone with a definitive guide to what living with ADHD is like. I'm simply journaling my own experiences.
I'll inevitably send this blog link onto family and friends, and if you're reading (hi, everyone!), I hope that you can at least get a chuckle out of walking in my shoes for a moment. Maybe you'll even come to understand why I didn't phone you back, or why I'm always losing my wallet when it seems like it would be so simple to hold onto it (side note: I'm not hoping that you'll be okay with my ADHD-ness... but maybe the reasons behind my "quirks" will be a bit more clear).
If anyone beyond family and friends winds up finding this blog - perhaps through doing adult ADHD searches on Google as I did - and it can provide them with even the slightest notion that someone struggling with adult ADHD is not alone, that will be amazing.
But, really, I'm doing this for myself. Maybe, years from now, I'll look back on all this and say, "Hey - remember when I used to leave the car doors wide open in the parking lot! Those were crazy days!" Much more likely, the doors will still be wide open (although, one hopes, with less frequency)... but I hope to have a better understanding of why, and how to work with it.
Living with ADHD is definitely different and definitely difficult... but it's not necessarily bad. It's also full of adventure and humor and surprises and a helluva lot of fun.
Buckle in for the ride. :)
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