* Some sort of eye rolling/sighing, because "everyone" has ADHD these days.
* General dismissal, because ADHD doesn't register or isn't "real"; if I tried harder, I wouldn't do the things I do.
* An enthusiastic, "Ohmygod, I leave my refrigerator open/forget the dry cleaning/am chronically late, too!"
It's incredibly difficult trying to explain what having ADD is like to anyone who doesn't have it themselves (or doesn't live with someone who does). AD/HD is on the news so much, it's - ironically - becoming forgettable. Kids are both over-diagnosed and improperly treated, and many people don't realize that the symptoms and traits of ADHD often last into adulthood.
Forgetting things... Leaving food to spoil on the counter... Being late for an important meeting... Losing a treasured item... Being easily distracted... Making a rash or snap decision... Clutter around the house... Nearly every single human being in existence has struggled with one or more of these at some time or another, and many, many non-ADD people have "ADD moments" frequently.
Because of that, there's a tendency for folks to jump in and (try to) identify with me ("I'm JUST like that!") or to completely dismiss it ("Come on, everyone does that. It doesn't make you have ADD.")
Well, actually, it does. I do have ADHD. In fact, I am the poster child for ADHD. And no, everyone does not do that.
Trust me when I say that you are NOT just like me... unless you have ADHD, too.
ADHD manifests itself in my life in countless ways. Yes, it means doing all of the "things" that ADHD people do: leaving the milk on the counter overnight so that it spoils; compulsively jiggling my knee while sitting; flitting from one activity to another without even knowing I'm doing it; having piles of "stuff" in every room of the house; chronically being just-barely-on-time (if not outright late); totally overestimating how much I am able to accomplish in a given time period; forgetting to bring my bathing suit when we go to the Y to swim; missing the meet-the-teacher day at my daughter's preschool; spilling coffee on my husband's Blackberry; showing up in dog hair-covered, wrinkled pants; losing cell phones and jewelry and even a check for $2000.
Many, many aspects of my personality are also infused with traits that are usually attributed to having ADHD. I'm disorganized. I'm messy. I'm forgetful. Impulsive. Easily distracted. Constantly driven. Unable to sit still. Forgetful. Careless. Creative. Active. Passionate. Enthusiastic. Flexible.
What I didn't plan on is the way having ADHD causes me to think and feel about myself, both in what I'm doing and who I am. Sometimes, I feel pretty good about how ADHD affects me. I'm thrilled to be on the go. I live in the moment and love making crafts with my girls or suddenly deciding to run out for ice cream. I even admire myself for taking advantage of the 3 minutes I had waiting in line at the bank by completing my grocery list (because doing nothing is never an option).
But most times, my ADHD traits just plain piss me off. At best, they're small annoyances. At worst, I feel like I'm a complete failure and utter disappointment who will never pull her life together. Losing my wallet is a pain in the ass, to be sure. But when I do it (again), it also reminds me that I can't keep track of anything, no matter how hard I try. And, oh man, do I ever try. Forgetting my daughter's sippy cup when I drop her off at preschool is hardly the end of the world - last week (the 3rd time this year I've forgotten her cup), I simply asked them to pour her juice into a Dixie cup (she thought she was such hot shit!). Each time I do it, however, I am reminded that, someday, I may be forgetting something far more important than a sippy cup. How much will my having ADHD screw up and disappoint my kids?
In short, ADHD is an integral and enormous part of my life. I honestly don't know where The Real Em begins and where ADHD ends; can they be separated? Would I even want to? No, the answers aren't going to be discovered through blogging. But it's a start.
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